Emotions…All Over the Place

14 Mar

My emotions are all over the board. 

I have had so much blood drawn recently its crazy. We are waiting on the results from my fasting 2 hour glucose testing. Our new nurse informed me that we will be given a time chart soon. So we must know what sperm we want to use. Now I know that the process of selecting donor sperm is difficult; but it is extremely crazy. There aren’t that many african american donor sperm available. The options are very limited and many of the african american donor sperm aren’t willing to be known once the child turns 18; and  that has me a little pissed off.

So we have had discussions about being flexible by using african american donor sperm that is not willing to be known; and looking outside of african american donor sperm.

This concept of purchasing sperm is CRAZY!!!! How do you pick a bank? I mean we are trying to use lesbian friendly banks. Since we are trying to use african american donor sperm it makes this a little tricky. I guess this is just a vent.


8 Responses to “Emotions…All Over the Place”

  1. j.k.-c. March 14, 2011 at 2:08 am #

    Picking sperm is so weird. No question. We used pacific reproductive services (a lesbian owned sperm bank) and we had good service with them. I don’t know about African American sperm selection there but they boast that they have the most willing to be known donors. Good luck and have fun picking sperm and don’t get too attached to just one donor.

    • weddedwife March 14, 2011 at 11:35 pm #

      We are really interested in Pacific Reproductive Services because of their practices. So we are looking into a few of their donors.

  2. Jen March 14, 2011 at 2:40 am #

    The entire process is crazy and it felt so weird to shop for half of our kids DNA. Mulling over catalogues is something that I will never miss. We looked at a few different things when picking a bank:
    1. Size of bank/number of families per donor (we wanted a smaller bank with smaller numbers to ensure that chunk wouldn’t have 200 half-sibs)
    2. Willing to be known options
    3. Reputation of bank/quality of sperm

    We decided to go with Pacific Reproduction Services and were very happy with everything. Good luck! It is an important decision.

    • weddedwife March 14, 2011 at 11:38 pm #

      1. We only want a certain number of families per donor so we have been looking into smaller banks but many a times the smaller banks don’t have african american donor sperm
      2. We would prefer a willing to be known donor but if the donor we choose is not willing to be known then we will try to purchase as much info (photos, recordings, etc) on that donor as possible.
      3. I have asked our nurse about sperm banks they recommend. She gave me a few names and gave me a few names to stay away from.

      We are looking into Pacific Reproduction Services (we have had a donor favorited on that site for over a year) so we will see how this all goes…that’s for the support.

  3. Tinyblossom March 14, 2011 at 10:23 pm #

    We faced the same issues in selecting our donor. Since AA donor sperm is in shorter supply, we looked at almost every bank for the right donor. If you are looking for a Caucasian donor, I’d say it’s more important to pick the bank you want to use and go from there since you’ll have more choices (better for shipping, storage, convenience). We ended up finding several that we really liked (all different banks) and purchased profiles/photos. It cost a little more, but we were able to instantly weed out the ones that were a no go. We initially chose a donor from California Cryobank. We weren’t financially prepared to buy a bunch of samples at once, but it worked out since AA donors are in less demand. After 5 unsuccessful tries with donor #1, we switched banks and found one closer to our home. That saved us a lot on shipping. Ultimately, because we chose an AA donor who had a bunch of samples, we were able to purchase samples as we needed them. Although it has been four years since we started trying with baby #1, our bank still has samples from our donor and we are now trying for #2. It doesn’t always work out this way, but it has been good for us.
    Considerations: how important is willing-to-be-known?
    Do you have the funds to pre-purchase multiple vials? Do you want to have more than one child? If I remember, your partner also wants to carry, so maybe you are thinking you want to use the same donor. Sorry this is such a long response, but I found that my search was a little different than some of my friend’s simply based on the ethnic profile of my donor.

    I hear you with many AA donors not WTBK–we really struggled with this one. The donor that we liked the best, and conceived with, is not WTBK. I am keeping my fingers crossed that our children don’t resent us for it. But we feel also both feel like we will be ready to explain our decision when the time comes.

    • weddedwife March 14, 2011 at 11:32 pm #

      We are looking at several places and have come to the some similar conclusions in the past. I want to use a bank that limits the amount of woman who conceive with a particular donor. We have enough money (at this time) to purchase and store sperm for future use. We are already saving up for IVF in the future using my partners egg.

      I believe if we use a donor who isn’t willing to be known we will have the vocabularly to explain to our child why we choose that donor and my hope is that they would understand.

      We are prepapred to purchase the ‘advance’ donor profiles at several banks in order to make a well informed choice. I would love to use Pacific Reproductive Services because I like their practices. So we are looking ahead.

      Thank you for your comment…I truly enjoyed it 🙂

  4. Movie Gyrl March 15, 2011 at 3:03 am #

    I feel your frustration. My partner and I are having the same problem. AA donors are very very limited along with hispanic donors. Our criteria is so specific it’s driving us both up the wall. I knew that there wouldnt be as many AA donors as Caucasian. But damn!! Slim pickings. And the some of the ones I did find were no longer availabe.We were going to inseminate this month, but have decided to postpone it until April or May. Im a bit disappointed but we want a donor that we are both comfortable with. We dont want to pick anyone out of desperation. California Cryobank is at the top of our list. But we are open to other suggestions. Good luck to everyone.

    • weddedwife March 15, 2011 at 3:33 pm #

      Well last night we purchased long donor profiles and are feeling a lot better about this journey. 🙂

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