The Appointment and Things (Pt. 4)

21 Apr

Well the story continues I’m going to try to keep this short as not to piss myself off even more.

Counselor’s Points

So I went to the counselor and took the personality profile that she suggested I take.  I finally received a return phone call yesterday. She informed me that she got my test results back and based on the results she can tell that I “answered the questions defensively”. I asked her what did she mean by that and she stated that the instructions asked me to be “candid” and I answered the questions defensively instead of being candid.

Well this pissed me off and I responded to her to by saying well “I’m going to be defensive at this moment because you are basically calling me a liar.” Counselor: “Well maybe defensive is not the correct word to use. You were guarded with your answers.” I informed her that I was not “guarded” that I answered the questions honestly and that this whole process is pissing me off. She suggested that I come and take the test again. So naturally I asked the following questions:

1.How much will that cost?  2. What happens if she views the results as being “defensive” or “guarded”?

Since I answered the questions honestly during the first time I took the personality profile  so if I take it again I guarantee that they are going to get the exact same answers.

The counselor informed me that if I got the same results that she wouldn’t be able to recommend that we continue on our TTC journey. So I called our RE to speak with her. I didn’t receive a phone call back; so I sent a follow-up email and received a phone call this morning.

REs Response to the Counselor

Well the RE stated that she has to look out for the well-being of the child; and if the I am depressed then they “cannot in good conscience work with me”.  My reply to the RE was as follows “So based on an hour and thirty minute conversation split between my partner and I, and a 567 true or false questionnaire you can determine what kind of person I am and deny me service with your organization.” Her reply was that they have to make sure that if “Charlie and I every break up that I won’t become depressed and then hurt the child.” She also informed me that I was young and had not been thinking about becoming pregnant that long; and they need to make sure that I’m not just jumping into this.

Now at this point I am PISSED and ANGRY!

I cut the RE off and told her that this situation is very upsetting and that I don’t believe that the variables that lead to my depression are being given the full acknowledgment they deserve. I was depressed as a child due to negligent parenting, I was depressed when my nuclear family kicked me out and disowned me after coming out, and I was depressed after being sexually assaulted in the early 2002. Never did the counselor ask how have I dealt with being a lesbian, how have I adjusted to my family disowning me, how have I comes to terms with being assaulted. All she heard was depressed. I also informed her that we have been on a journey towards parenthood for a few years; and that many women within my age range become pregnant and have children.

I am still in shock that they would have the nerve to tell me that I would hurt a child; they don’t know me. The RE informed me that the counselor may suggest that I take a few sessions with her. At this point I asked the RE what would happen if the counselor decides that she can’t recommend me to go through with the process; would they deny me treatment. The RE would not answers this question and responded with a “we have to look out for the best interest of the child.” My sarcastic reply was “yes the best interest of the child because if something happened to me I can put you in my will to take care of the child; correct. Well thank you for returning my call. ”

With that statement I ended the phone call and decided to use my power as a health care consumer.

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7 Responses to “The Appointment and Things (Pt. 4)”

  1. liberationtheory April 21, 2011 at 3:25 am #

    That is ALL a sign to take your business else-where. At the end of the day, that’s what it is– a business. I’m sorry that you had to be introduced to one of the many ugly lessons about ART.

    Don’t waste your energy dealing with these folks and be like Jay-Z, “on to the next one.”

  2. QueerLifeInTheCity April 21, 2011 at 1:11 pm #

    Utterly ridiculous. They’re obviously not interesting in anyone’s well being as much as they’re interested in their financial well being. All of those suggestions sounded like they would cost you money — re-take the profile test, follow-up sessions, etc. Find a place that’s a better fit for you two and that is in the actual business of making happy families.

  3. Isa April 21, 2011 at 3:46 pm #

    I just found your blog, and I TOTALLY agree that it is time to find a new doctor. One that is supportive and helpful. A lot of them do require the counseling session, but it should be a formality and you should be treated with respect–how can she expect you to have positive therapy sessions with a woman who calls you a liar and threatens to not let you work with the dr? Find someone new. Also, have you considered doing ICIs at home? Lots of women get pregnant that way, and it might be worth a couple tries instead of dealing with all of this stress right off the bat.

  4. babymamatoo April 21, 2011 at 10:01 pm #

    I am sorry that you are being treated this way. It sucks that we same-sex couple have to jump through extra hoops for the right to be parents. But to be outright called a liar is outrageous. I would definitely move on to a new doctor. You will most likely have to repeat the counseling session but as stated by the previous commenter it “should” be a formality.

  5. tinyblossom April 22, 2011 at 1:58 am #

    Your post hit me on a lot of levels. I am so sorry that you have been through so much already. It’s enough to go through ttc without having to jump through a bunch of crazy hoops first. I find it reprehensible that you even have to go through counseling. Sending you lots of hope and luck in finding a new provider who will respect and honor your committment to build a family. It sounds like you had quite a battle with family too. Hugs to you.

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