Shocked and Afraid

21 Oct

I still can’t believe we got a positive pregnancy test. I still can’t believe the blood test came back positive. I can’t believe my beta levels doubled.

I’m shocked and I’m excited. I’m excited that this is our life right now. I have yet to cry or to do the things I expected that I would do.

I’m afraid that I get too excited it won’t be real. Or that it will go away. I don’t want to get too attached if it does go away. I even have a hard time saying that I’m pregnant. Even with all that I can’t deny my excitement. My hope. My want. My extreme want for this to go full term.

It’s weird because I have these weird feelings like my uterus is being lightly tugged in various directions. That makes it hard to try and ignore my excitement. However, my new desire for green bell peppers is another reminder that something is going on.

I feel a little crazy right now.

Well let me end this post with a picture of a woman I took at a Halloween parade….



6 Responses to “Shocked and Afraid”

  1. Flying Mermaid October 21, 2012 at 3:48 pm #

    Aww, BeeBoo, I’m so glad you ended in humor, wish I could kiss your blooming belly!

    • Michaela October 22, 2012 at 8:19 am #

      Oh, i can totally understand your feelings. But, hey, you are pregnant and everything is going to be alright

  2. pepibebe October 23, 2012 at 1:49 am #

    What a brilliant yet creepy costume!

  3. Lex October 23, 2012 at 4:34 am #

    It’s a scary, scary time in the beginning and SO hard not to believe that it could end at any second. What got me through was just realizing that every moment that I was still pregnant was a blessing.

    P.S. I’m tempted to do something similar for Halloween… though probably not for work, considering I work at a children’s hospital and women’s birthing center. Might not go over so well 😛

    • weddedwife October 23, 2012 at 7:05 pm #


      Thanks for the tip 🙂 I keep telling myself that this is what I have worked for and I should enjoy it and cherish it for what it is in that moment. It’s still hard to do. But I am trying my best.

      That costume wouldn’t work at your job. LOL

  4. lezbemoms October 28, 2012 at 9:55 pm #

    sorry I missed all this. congratulations and prayers for a sticky baby!

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