So Far So Good

23 Nov

Well I haven’t really updated you all on how things are going. Well things are going great. The only thing that its going on is me being very tired and having issues with food. So here are a few things that I wish people would have shared with me before getting pregnant:

  • Feeling your uterus stretch and grow is an awkward feeling
  • You will have to pee a lot from the beginning
  • It’s not weird for you to lose weight
  • Something may taste good today and you may find it disgusting tomorrow
  • Try not to be embarrassed if you have to throw up in public
  • It’s okay to be worried about how your pregnancy is progressing but do not allow fear based negative thoughts to take over your mind
  • Get ready for people to tell you want to do, how to do it, and how hard it’s going to be
  • Enjoy enjoy enjoy as much of this as you can

So my wife and I have told a few family members and friends. My Aunt (who is like a mother to me) convinced me to tell my mother, step-father, brother, and sister that I was pregnant sooner rather than later. With that I called and told each of them below you will find quotes and paraphrases from my family members responses.

Mother’s Response

She was shocked and didn’t know what to say. Then she said well I guess I am going to have to come out there when you are 6 months pregnant to help you get ready for the baby. I knew that this positive response wasn’t her real response. Well she has been sending me text messages and saying things about how me being gay is going to result in me being a bad mother.

Stepfather’s Response

Well he was shocked as well. I will just leave you with several quotes that will help you understand his feelings:

1. I can’t believe this I am in shock.

2. I thought based on the lifestyle that you decided to live you wouldn’t have offspring.

3. Well I guess in the eyes of California since your so-called marriage is seen as legal and since traditional marriages aren’t valued like they use to be I guess I should be happy for you.

(Note: My mother and my step-father have never been married. My mother was my stepfather’s mistress for 14 years. He was married when they meet and I was a baby. I remember as a child us going to his house and then having to hurry up and leave because ‘she’ was on the way back. My mother purposely got pregnant because my stepfather’s wife had several miscarriages after IVF treatments. So this is his understanding of marriage.)

4. Don’t ask me for any money to help you raise this kid.

5. I hope your job is paying you well and that they don’t fire you.

6. You have always been fat and don’t have any room to gain more weight. So I hope you carry your pregnancy well.

7. No matter what you need to make sure you pay on the loan that I consigned for you.

8. Well I guess you guys are trying to mimic heterosexual relationships and when you mimic things it usually ends bad, but for your sake I hope it doesn’t end too bad.

Brother’s Response

I haven’t spoken to my brother directly. I told his wife and she told him. It took him over a week to contact me, his response was “so I heard I am going to be an uncle”. I replied “yes” and that was it. This was a few weeks ago. I know that all he has to say is something negative and I don’t want to hear it.

Sister’s Response

My sister was excited and she said the following…”I am so happy for you. You love kids and you’re going to be a great mom.” This made me so happy to hear. I know that once the rest of my family talks to her that there is a high probability that her feelings towards me becoming a mother will change.

I am happy that I called and that they heard the news from me. I am also happy that I called because it is a reminder as to why they don’t play a key role in my life and will not play one in my child’s life. I knew that they weren’t going to have anything positive to say. The response of my family is hurtful but I have learned to deal with their negativity. They had nothing positive to say when I started dating Charlie, when Charlie proposed to me, when Charlie and I bought out house, when Charlie and I got married Cali, or when Charlie and I had our wedding. They are not happy for me period.

However, I am happy for me. I am excited to experience pregnancy and to become a mother. My child is wanted and will be loved loved loved.

12 Responses to “So Far So Good”

  1. Flying Mermaid November 23, 2012 at 9:16 pm #

    Oh my god oh my god oh my god, times like these make me really hate not having phone service! But yeah, like you said, the responses are far from unexpected, and from all I’ve heard, I’m sure you’re right about your sister’s response eventually being turned by the rest of the family. But then, the last thing you need is her remaining genuinely excited, and springing Auntie visits on you!

    Still, no matter how expected, of course it’s always gotta hurt to be treated that way by ANYONE. I know you’ve done tons of work on your family issues, and had already pretty much made peace with a lack of family before I even met you, but the feeling I get from this post is that you’ve continued growing through it these last few years.

    I don’t know how to put my finger on it, exactly, but something about this post is more focused and precise than usual, whereas you tend to become more scattered when under stress. This leads me to believe one of two things: either your lovely hormones chose to give you extra calm on this issue, or you’re just plain beyond getting stressed over your family, and the years of work you did to achieve that state brought new focus to your writing. Either way, you win.

    I’m so glad to get a physical update (though I don’t believe for a minute you didn’t already know all those things on your top list!) and to know all’s going well. And for your information, your child is ALREADY loved loved loved!


    • weddedwife November 24, 2012 at 1:09 pm #

      Thanks MeeMaw…I’ve moved past getting upset because they are going to say and so stupid things. The way they responded is hurtful but it has no power over me in the way that they would like it to. I am extremely happy and excited.

  2. Rachael Garnett November 23, 2012 at 10:43 pm #

    So sorry to hear about your family’s negativity. I am so thankful I didn’t have to deal with that. My heart goes out to you and your wife. I am sure you will be excellent mothers and I am rooting for a healthy happy family when the little one arrives!

  3. Baby Mama, too. November 23, 2012 at 11:51 pm #

    Ugh! So sorry your family is so negative/disgenuine. I especially liked step-dads view in “traditional” marriage!

    Hang In there though, with the symptoms, I am going through pretty much the exact same things… I am told it will get better!

    • weddedwife November 24, 2012 at 1:11 pm #

      I’m waiting to not be as tired…but I know its for a good reason. 🙂

  4. pepibebe November 24, 2012 at 10:31 am #

    Hi, well what a miserable range of responses. I’m so glad that you have faith and belief in your decision to have a much desired child with your wife. It sounds like the family you have created will be a strong and loving one, things that your given family don’t seem to be. And as for your step-fathers history with your mother, lol about him having a view on traditional marriage!
    That uterus stretching thing sure is uncomfortable eh? And as for the food, my wife got very good at very quickly cooking the thing I said I felt like, before I changed my mind!
    Stay well and calm and happy. You sound like you are in a good place.

    • weddedwife November 24, 2012 at 1:14 pm #

      My wife is super supportive so that is great. I had a hard tome at thanksgiving. Too many foods, too many food smells, too many colognes & perfumes mixing together. I ate what I could and ended up throwing up later.

  5. glamcookie November 24, 2012 at 7:54 pm #

    I am SO excited for you!!! Morning sickness sucks – I hope it passes soon.

    I’m sorry your family is so negative. They will be the ones missing out on your sweet baby. More baby snuggles and hugs for you and DW 🙂

    Take care and keep posting updates!

  6. Isa November 26, 2012 at 4:46 pm #

    I’m sorry your family can’t get over themselves to be happy for you. And I do think it’s telling that your mom and stepdad started their relationship under much more ‘sinful’ conditions. Listen to your sister’s joy, and focus on how great your family will be when it is redrawn to include your baby. The rest of the family can get on board or go away forever, in my opinion…

  7. April M. November 26, 2012 at 6:19 pm #

    Wow!! that’s sad that the people that’s the closest to us can hurt us so much. Will at least you know that your baby was created in true, health love! He/She was planned, thought about and conceived in love and He/She is already loved, loved and loved. Good luck with your pregnancy… You and Charlie will be great parents….

  8. Lex November 29, 2012 at 11:45 pm #

    Ugh, these are awful reactions… it breaks my heart to read, but I know you have loads of support in other areas, which is awesome. I truly hope that once this baby is out in the world that they will realize what’s important.

    I’m glad pregnancy-wise everything is going well. Saw your other post and it’s totally normal for the tears! I’m so, so happy every time I come to your blog and see that everything is moving ahead as it should.

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