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Back On The Grind

11 Sep

So this is my last week at home with Little Bird. Next Wednesday I am back at work and Little Bird will be in daycare.

I’m freaking out about it. I’m nervous about not sending her with enough food, or diapers, or not enough change of clothes. So needless to say I’m having random freak out moments.

I am working really hard to get Little Bird use to her crib. Needless to say Charlie and I are losing this battle. I hope to that we when the battle soon.

I have had several people at work hypothesize that I am not coming back. I should come back with my baby on my chest.

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Bad Blogger

31 Jul

It’s true. I’m a bad blogger now that I’m a mom blogger. It will get better I promise.

Updates —

My daughter has gotten cuter.

I’m super tired and have had several key task to accomplish this month. Celebrating my birthday, my drivers license needing renewing, update and renew my car tag, issues with my HR department, and just healing in general.

Parenthood so far has been tiring. The whole family is lacking on sleep. With that I will go take a nap.

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The Last Days

18 Jun

So my c-section is scheduled for Thursday. I am so excited but I’m freaking out. This is my last Tuesday without a baby in the house. I’m excited but scared. It’s getting so real.

She will be here soon.

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8 Weeks Away

29 Apr

We are 8 weeks away from my due date. I can’t believe it’s so close. Every time I think about it I feel like crying. I don’t feel like my home is ready. The room has clothes all over the place and no decorations on the wall. I know that babies don’t need decorations but I do.

My wife’s job had a joint baby shower for her and a coworker. I realized during the shower how comfortable I am in my pregnant body. Listening to the other pregnant woman and the mother’s in the room discuss how much they hated getting bigger made me sad. Being pregnant is a journey, your body is making a human, and I don’t think you should feel shamed.

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This past weekend I went to the emergency room because I was having weird chest pains. I was in the hospital for five hours and was diagnosed with atypical chest pains. They ruled out all the scary stuff — pneumonia, heartache, etc. The doctor thinks that my chest pain was either gas/heartburn or radiating shoulder pain. Last night my chest finally stopped hurting around 11 pm. I haven’t had any chest pain today. So that’s great.

My cousin came over to our new place and was shocked by the small size. People like to ‘apologize’ for the size of the new place —- don’t worry about it, you all are doing what you have to do? I have no issues with the size of our place. I guess people see it as a step down from our house. We lost a bedroom and some square footage; but our quality of life has truly increased. Moving was one of the decisions we’ve ever made.

Body Comments

3 Apr

So far I have gained ten pounds. I have heard comment after comment about how I am not gaining enough weight, that I need to start looking pregnant, and that I may be starving the baby. I typically eat the same thing for breakfast every work day — oatmeal/cold cereal, water/tea, with a piece of fruit or a yogurt. I have worked at the same place for five years. Now that I’m pregnant someone comments on my breakfast at least once a week; here are a few examples:

  • Look at you trying to be health
  • That’s right eat healthy foods for the baby
  • You should always eat like that
  • Doesn’t it feel good to eat healthy

The body judgement and assumptions are ridiculous. I have heard a few people say that I am not taking advantage of being pregnant. In my non-pregnant life I didn’t deny myself foods nor did I criticize my body. This doesn’t mean that I never participated in negative self-talk. It just means that I didn’t apologize for my body or the space it occupies in the world.

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I look pretty pregnant to me.

I am not using my pregnancy as a social qualifier or acceptance piece for being in a bigger body. I will not use my pregnancy as a way to gain social acceptance for my body. I will not allow others to use my pregnancy to justify their assumptions about my eating habits.

—- Baby Updates —-

  • Passed my gestational diabetes test.
  • Found out I’m not anemic so no extra iron pills for me.
  • I’m still measuring a week early.
  • The baby’s movement patterns have changed. Now there is more movement at night and early morning instead of midday.
  • We are trying to decide if we want to do a 3D or 4D elective ultrasound. This decision will be made this week.
  • My sorority sister thinks it would be beneficial if we had a doula. So she did some research and sent me the contact information. I will be reaching out to her this week.

—- Random Pictures —-

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The space between me and the table when my wife took me out to lunch.

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My belly

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Charlie and my cousin’s son.

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Peanut in a book; this birthday pup turned 8 on April 1st.

A Journey to Sisterhood

22 Mar

Happy TEA Me

I first learned about Greek lettered organizations (GLOs) when I was in college. The idea of a group of people being unified under one mission, purpose, and vision really resonated with me. Seeing the support that members gave each other and the work that they did in the community was something I wanted to be a part of. As I began to research GLOs I never felt like I fit into any of the traditional sisterhoods.

Through personal research I found out about LGBT GLOs. I felt like these organizations would provide me with the type of sisterhood that I was looking for. I wanted to be apart of an LGBT GLO because I wanted my whole being to be accepted, respected, and supported by the organization that I was a member of. I didn’t want to feel tolerated in a particular chapter and ignored in another. I wanted to know that the organization was as proud of me as I was of them. This journey started in 2002, I have started and stopped along my journey to find a sisterhood I could call my own.

TEAcakes

I can now say with a full heart that my journey has ended. I have found everything that I have ever wanted in a GLO from Theta Epsilon Alpha (www.thetaepsilonalpha.org). My heart is overcome with joy, gratitude, and love. I am proud to be a member, proud of my sisters, and proud of the organization.

Since 2002 I have been putting in work to find a GLO I connected with, I have been honest with myself, and I have been patient. I wake up everyday thankful for my sisterhood, thankful for my sisters, and full of love. I am thankful to the women of Theta Epsilon Alpha Sorority for showing me true sisterhood. I am proud to be apart of a sorority that supports self-identified femme lesbian and queer women.

I just had to share.

Happy Group of TEAcakes

Why so quiet?

1 Mar

I’m because the baby woke me up moving around, hunger, and the need to pee. Between work, school, sorority stuff, and falling asleep I have found it hard to write here. Well that’s what I thought was holding me back from writing here.

My wife and I have recently moved closer to work. At this moment we are paying both mortgage and rent until we find a renter for our house. Being so close to work means we can come home for lunch everyday. This brings much joy to our beloved dog Peanut.

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Last Thursday I got home for lunch 30 minutes after my wife. When she left to go back to work Peanut got really sad as he watched her leave then he ran upstairs. So I said the following “hey fool don’t be sad I’m still here come sit with me on the couch.” With that he came running down the stairs, peeked around the corner, bolted towards the couch, and jumped right into my stomach. It hurt so bad that I screamed and forcefully pushed him off of me.

Well I didn’t think anything bad had happened so I went back to work. I texted to my wife to let her know what happened and told her to check on Peanut we she got home because I was afraid that I may have hurt him.

While sitting at my desk my stomach started hurting. The pain intensified and to make a long story short I ended up being admitted to the hospital overnight.

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Everything is ok. When Peanut jumped in me he caused a vein to burst on my placenta. The baby’s blood was found in my blood but it wasn’t a large amount. They did an ultrasound and I was able to see the baby.

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I saw the baby’s face and it was perfect. I didn’t cry at the hospital at all. However, that following Sunday while doing homework I burst out crying. I realized how scared I was at the hospital. I also realized how scared I am in general. Since we found out that I’m pregnant I have tried not to talk about it as much in case something bad happens. Thus the lack of post on this blog.

My wife and my sorority sister have told me to not live in denial. In pregnant and no matter if something bad happens or not I should embrace it. It’s easier said than done.

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Please excuse the messy room we’re still unpacking